Monday, May 20, 2013

"But I hold on and I feel strong, because I know that I can."

Two years.

Two years is a long time for pretty much anything to happen.

I remember not being afraid at first. I don't think I truly processed the potential consequences of my actions and, thankfully, never needed to.

I remember the first moment I was afraid.

The girl I was living with (who I barely knew) and I were dropping off my best friend at LAX so she could fly home. It was as if they had planned the whole thing. It reminded me of when I was in kindergarten and my parents would drop me off at school. The teacher would whisk me away quickly before I could cry and distract me with crayons and coloring books.

Meredith pulled up to the curb, Sarah gave me a quick side hug and said goodbye. She walked into the airport before I could even get out of the car. No time for tears; no time for me to change my mind or ask her to stay just a few more days.

Meredith pulled away from the curb quickly, talking my ear off the entire way to dinner. I suppressed my tears and swallowed my fear because Meredith was practically a stranger; I couldn't cry in front of her.

The second time I remember feeling fearful of my decision was when I had been here for quite a few weeks. I still hadn't found a job and my money was starting to run out. I was beginning to plan how much money I needed in order to drive back to Florida; because that was looking like my only option.

And I was scared.
I was scared of going home. I was scared what people would say. But mostly? Mostly I was scared because I knew there was so much more for me in LA. I just didn't know how to find it.
(I got my job that day, by the way).

And now here I am.

I've lived in five different apartments.
I've had two jobs.
I've been promoted.
I bought a new car.
I've tried new things.
I've traveled all around Los Angeles.
I've road tripped to Las Vegas (more than once).

But above all of those things--I know who I am and I like her. The only fear I feel these days is the fear of leaving Los Angeles.

Here's to trying something new because you can; going against the grain and when everyone tells you you're crazy, you smile and nod but do it anyway. Here's to the nights spent at the Santa Monica Pier looking out towards Malibu with friends who become your family. Here's to giving yourself the chance to be happy.

Happy two years, LA.

Thanks for being one of the best decisions I've ever made.

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