Speechless.

I'm completely and utterly speechless.

I met a guest at our hotel months ago while I was going through a tough time. Missing home, not sure what direction to take, blah, blah, blah. It seems to be a cycle I find every once and a while.

Anyway, this guest was just overwhelmingly motivational and just kept telling me, "I see something in you; you've got this. You can do it!"

Well, she gave me her business card and told me if I ever needed anything, to please send her a note.

At the beginning of summer, I e-mailed her. I knew she was traveling a lot for work but figured she'd get back to me when it was good for her. I just thanked her for what she had told me and left it at that. I had forgotten about the e-mail to be honest. And I was a little surprised to see a response from her in my inbox just now.

The words she wrote left me speechless. If you know me, you'll know how close her words hit to home.

Thank you Sarah – and sorry for my delay in getting back to you! I have been buried at work and keep seeing your email and wanting to get back to you!

How are you doing? Have you made progress on your book? It was such a pleasure to meet you. I hope your summer is going well  and that you are still enjoying your time in So Cal.  You are going to be GREAT! It is always hard to start over in a new city but you have courage and strength and I know you will be successful. Take it one day at a time – don’t make decisions late at night as it always seems more scary/harder/more intense and morning always brings a new perspective. Stay safe, eat right and make good friends who will bring you chicken soup when you feel crummy away from home. Be intrepid – you have nothing to lose. Take chances now – even if you fall off of your bike (this is my Dad speaking) you can get back on and no one who is successful makes it with a few band aids and bruises along their path. You never win without trying – and it’s the losing that makes you stronger and better at what you do and who you are.

Go home for the holiday’s if you can to get a recharge or spend time with the “family you make” in your community. Be kind to yourself and patient.

Good luck and keep in touch – you are special and you will do wonderful things in life!

Susan  

Sometimes we need a complete stranger to see something in us that we weren't able to see before we believe it's true. Sometimes there are words that we know we need to hear, but don't have the strength to say them or face them ourselves.

Today I feel blessed.

He chose me.

After spending last Thanksgiving pretty much alone because my family was so far away and I couldn't get away from work, I decided I wanted to adopt a dog--I wanted a pet so I wouldn't feel so alone during the holidays or ever, really. I had always grown up with dogs and really missed having one in my life.

My roommate and I went to the local animal shelter. I really wasn't expecting to adopt a dog that day, I just wanted to see how many dogs were there and if any stood out. It was a heart-breaking experience. I had never gone with my family to "pick out a dog"; my parents had always gone on their own and brought whatever puppy they found back home. 

There were dogs everywhere--big dogs and little dogs, puppies and full grown dogs. The barking was deafening and the smell was nauseating, but we walked the hall. My ears were ringing and I looked from one dog to the next. All of them were a mix of some sort, and I knew I wanted one that wasn't too loud--especially since I lived in an apartment.

As we walked, this little curly-haired dog laid on the cement behind the bars of a cage with his head nestled on his front paws. Only his eyes moved with us as we passed; otherwise, he didn't budge.

He looked kind of rugged to me--his fur was all over the place, he had a lot of white surrounding his face and he had a stump for a tail. One ear flopped over while the other stood up and according to his fact sheet, his name was Puffy and he was a three-year-old cairn terrier mix.

I knew immediately he wasn't three and he sure didn't look like a "Puffy" to me.

We kept walking, looking over every poor dog who just wanted a little attention. I assured my roommate I was no where near ready to bring a dog home in that moment, we were just there to look.

As we walked back through to head out, I noticed "Puffy" had moved and now stood at the fence, watching me intently. I couldn't get over how quiet he was; not once had he barked.

I knelt down in front of the gate and tentatively put my fingers through the squares. Immediately, he began to lick my hands. My roommate got down on the ground with him and she, too, was warmly received by the little monster.

We decided we wanted to play with him. Didn't want to take him home, just play for a little while. So the man at the shelter brought him out with us into this play pen. I really despised the name "Puffy", but I knew some dogs were hard to re-train with a new name and so I called out to him.

He didn't even budge at the sound of his name as he walked around and sniffed at Lauren's feet. I looked at Lauren, who knew I wanted to name my dog Dodger if he was a boy, and smiled. "Dodger!"

He perked up, looked right at me and one ear flopped to the front while the other stood straight. It was fate.

The animal control man smiled at me and asked if I wanted him to get a leash and if Dodger would be coming home with us.

How could I say no?

Over the course of the last ten months, this dog has gotten on my last nerve, he's attacked the ankles of every person I've had in the house and he's refused to eat unless I mush everything together for his poor little teeth. He's been allergic to two foods I've gotten him and he's suffered from a couple of pretty intense seizures.

But he also kept me company on Christmas. And even though it annoyed me at first, when I sleep somewhere else I miss the way he burrows under my comforter and curls up against my legs (even though he is a living heat blanket). He's excited to see me each and every time I come home and he's made me feel safe and protected always.

I didn't choose him. To me, he was a scruffy old dog with a weird name and I didn't think he belonged in my life, but I was so incredibly wrong. I feel like he's been in my life forever, and it's hard to imagine being in my apartment without him.

Thanks for making me feel a little less alone, Dodge. Thanks for choosing me. Love you with all of my heart, even if you're an ankle-biter. 

xoxo

Things that I know.

There’s a lot that I don’t know. I don’t know if California is where I’m supposed to be for the rest of my life. I don’t know what I want to do for a living. I don’t know if I’ll ever get married or have a family. I couldn’t even tell you what I’ll be doing tomorrow.

So instead of overwhelming myself with the things I don’t know, I decided to focus today on the things that I do.

I know that every time I find a new hiking trail in Brentwood or Santa Monica or LA, I’m completely overwhelmed by the beauty—I’m always surprised by what I see. What I imagine in my head or photos I see online; nothing could ever replace the feeling of seeing it in person.

I know that when I’m driving in Hollywood and come up to Fairfax and see the Hollywood sign out of the corner of my eye, my breath gets caught in the back of my throat and my heart skips a beat. I’ve almost lived here a year and that sign still makes me feel this giddiness that brings a smile to my face.

I know that driving to California was, ironically, the surest decision I had made—probably, ever. Which probably sounds crazy. But it’s true. There were no doubts in my mind about moving to California until I got to San Diego and panic started to set in.

I, also, know that I’m encouraged and inspired by the people around me. I’m motivated, I’m loved. I know that I depend way too much on the people that surround me but that I’m also learning every day on how to depend on myself.

So, yes. There is a lot that I don’t know; a lot that I don’t understand. But I’m learning. Every day here I’m learning something new, meeting someone I never knew yesterday or seeing a place I could only imagine in photographs. Before moving to California I defined happiness as an emotion; something you could feel.

Today? Today I see happiness in the sunset over Malibu off the Santa Monica shore. I taste happiness in the fresh, sweet wine shared with friends at the family-owned vineyard in Malibu. I finally feel happiness, and I hadn’t really been able to say that before I moved here.

Is California forever? I have absolutely no idea. But I know that right now it makes me feel free. And it makes me smile. And I think that’s all that matters in this moment. So right now, California is exactly where I need and want to be. This is who I am. California brings out the adventure and fear and inspiration and love in me. This is who I am.

And that is what I know.

Happiness.

It's hard not to get down and disappointed in a city of millions of people, all of whom have the same dreams, aspirations and desires that you do.

But then, some days, there's a sign--something to remind you what you're doing and why you're doing it. Something reminds you to remain grateful and remember you're blessed for all that you have.

A week ago today, I got a call at 11am from an agency asking me to come in for an interview. I was excited, but it wasn't anything new, really. I had already interviewed with one agency and had another interview scheduled for the following Monday. An agency was only there to find me temporary work--nothing big and nothing that really paid well. Not to mention, most companies that used the temp agencies were companies with really awful turn over rates. Companies that people obviously didn't enjoy working at.

But whatever.
A job's a job, right?
Money is money.

So I went in.
It was an interview for a five-star hotel in Beverly Hills.
Front desk position.

Right up my alley, right?
Turns out, the hotel wanted to interview me right away.

After a twenty minute interview at the agency, they sent me with Google Map directions to this hotel--preparing me for a humongous interview I wished I had more time to think about at the time of arrival. But in the end, sometimes things turn out better when we have less time to think about them, I feel.

I walked in, breathing deeply; afraid of what sat before me.

This place was fancy. It was sophisticated. It was Beverly Hills.
I shuddered but told the girl at the front desk my name and who I was there to see. I sat on a side couch and tried to smooth out my skirt the best that I could.

I had two interviews--one with the general manager, the other with the sales manager.
I felt confident. I felt prepared. I felt knowledgeable as I discussed guest recovery, guest satisfaction and customer service. Ironically, I thank Disney for that one.

The sales manager thanked me and said we'd be in touch, but hurried back before I could leave and said the GM would actually like to offer me the position, on a temporary basis.

Temporary was good enough for me after I heard what they would be paying.

Four days later, they asked me to apply permanently with their company--no longer working with the agency I had barely even worked for. Today, they extended an offer of permanent employment through their hotel group.

I'm happy.
I pushed myself, I believed in myself, and I gave myself a chance. I gave my heart a chance to be happy--to feel accomplished.

I miss my family more than words could even begin to express.
I miss my mom--the greatest friend I know I will ever have; the person that has always believed in my "crazy" no matter how crazy it might just be.
I miss my dad--the role model who inspires me to be a great, hardworking professional who is well respected in this world.
I miss my brother--the one who would play his guitar upstairs in his bedroom and I'd open my door at the bottom of the stairs and turn off my iTunes just to listen to him play.
I miss my brother--the one who I could watch play basketball for hours; the one who would never be too embarrassed to tell me he loved me in front of his peers.

So, yes.
I miss my family, I miss my friends, I miss the familiarity I seemed to get lost in while living in Florida.

But for the first time really ever (which probably sounds sad), I'm proud of myself.
I didn't really wholeheartedly know who I was before I took this journey. I'm still learning bits and pieces day by day--but I'm moving; I'm exploring. LA makes me put myself out there--I have to leave my comfort zone and explore outside of my shell if I want to survive socially.

This feeling? This swelling in my chest every time I step outside and realize I'm living in the city I've only dreamed of living in for so long? That is why I'm here. Somehow I knew I might be happy if I lived here; I knew I might be excited to live my life.

So I took a chance.
I took a risk that could have potentially ended very badly (and I guess, possibly still could).

But it didn't.
I'm so glad I gave myself the chance to be happy. Because in this moment--nothing else matters but this feeling.

xo.

It's good.

All day, I've been trying to sum up how I feel about Los Angeles.

While at a concert last weekend, a song I heard kind of triggered every feeling and emotion I've felt over the last three weeks, just about.

I'm just a girl with crazy dreams that / never end up how they seem but / I like that mystery of love and trust and you and me / it's good / everything will turn out like it should / I know that I'm gonna get it a little bit right, a little bit wrong / still I'm gonna sing my song / it's good, so good / like it should be.

This song has become my life (thank you, Katelyn Tarver).

I know I'm going to get some things right. I know I'm definitely going to do some things wrong. But I know that in the end, things will turn out how they should. Maybe they won't be what I thought they would.

But really, in the end, is anything how we ever thought it would be? Does everything turn out like we had originally planned?

In the 9th grade I planned that I would move to a new city with my family, make all new friends and be popular because I could be. I would be popular because I had a fresh start--a new slate.

That dream fell a part when I showed up at the first football game with my new found popular friends and they shoved a beer at my hands and dared me to chug it. My 'dream' suddenly changed from being one of the popular kids to finding real friends; friends that wouldn't pick on me for my morals.

I found a quote online today that I thought fit this pretty well. "Dreams are like stars...you may never touch them, but if you follow them they will lead you to your destiny."

So no, I don't know that my ultimate dreams I hold close to my heart will ever come true. But these are the things I do know:

I know that I started my path in following them when I decided to take this journey to California.

I know that I'm happy here.

And I know that somehow, someway everything will turn out as it should.

Whether that means staying in California or going some place new or going back to Florida. This was just the first step in a trail of many, and I'm excited to see just where that trail decides to go.

:)

xo.

The City of Angels.

Well, I did it!

I actually moved.

I guess I never thought I would do it? And to be perfectly honest, it didn't even HIT me that I was moving until we were driving through San Diego...

LA isn't exactly what I thought it would be. Not that it's worse or better, for that matter. Just that it's...different. I guess I should have expected that.

It's a little bit scary. I currently live on the edge of Koreatown so I'm surrounded by foreign languages I don't understand.

It's funny, I'm so used to a foreign language being the small print. Ya know how when you're in line for a ride at Disney World and they explain the instructions in English first and Spanish second? Well, here the signs are in Korean first and English second. It's a different culture, but it's kinda cool. New culture definitely isn't a bad thing.

Sometimes I freak myself out. When I sit down and think about how far away from home I am, my chest swells and I start breathing kinda heavy. Therefore I avoid looking at maps and I ignore the time difference.

Over the course of the last few days, I've tried really focusing on why I'm here and what I'm doing. I felt like I needed a reminder. I was thankful for my reminder last night.

I went to a concert with a few of my favorite bands. I went in not really knowing anyone and I left with a handful of new friends (always a plus when you're one person in a city of three million people).

I knew the venue we were at was a big deal in Hollywood. The Roxy is where Paul Reubens debuted his character known as Pee-Wee Herman in stand up. John Lennon was a regular in the 70s, hanging out on the roof bar and in the nightclub itself. Bob Marley played the venue and even recorded at The Roxy in 76. It's a historic spot.

Many artists dream of playing this place.

And last night, some of my favorite bands sold it out.

I watched as the openers came out. The female opener, Katelyn Tarver, smiled out at the crowd and breathed a sigh as she said, "I've dreamed of playing this place since I was a little girl."

In that exact moment, I realized this was one of their dreams. These bands and people I admire and I'm inspired by had dreamt of this day for a really long time. I was lucky enough to witness one of their dreams coming true.

The Roxy for them was my California. California had been the ultimate dream for so long that I think I forgot about some of my other dreams and aspirations. You're supposed to take one dream at a time and not overwhelm yourself with too many big goals--but now I need to get back in the swing of things and refocus on why California was the dream in the first place.

I feel good.

I smile every morning I walk outside and realize I'm in the middle of Los Angeles.

I can finally check one dream off the check-list. Now onto dream number two :).

See ya real soon!

I've complained, I've cried, I've yelled and I've moaned about this job for four years.

Every weekend of my life for the last four years has been spent rushing around my house/apartment trying to find socks that matched, shoes that I had thrown the weekend before and a costume that never fit the right way.

As a freshman in college, I knew Disney was the place for me. It was a fantastic place where dreamers could dream and creative minds could wander. Children and families all over the world loved to experience the magic of Disney.

I don't know exactly what made me want to work for this company that has defined me for the last four years. Maybe it was the fact that they auditioned at UCF in the ballroom one fall day and my roommate just so happened to drag me over there. Or maybe it was the fact that I knew I would one day want to work in production and maybe this could be my "foot in the door".

Whatever it was, it happened.

I spent nights meeting people from all over the world that soon became friends and later became family. I worked the most ridiculous hours I could never quite understand--my sleep schedule was never the same. I learned so much about myself, but even more than that, about people from all over the world. I am more patient now with people in general--especially those working in customer service roles.

Disney defined my college years. Plain and simple.

I spent weekends avoiding homework and studying by wandering around one of the theme parks or at one of the resorts. I told a friend a few weekends ago, I'm pretty sure I could find my way around Magic Kingdom with my eyes closed.

So now here I am, wondering why I'm so sad to be going my own way from Disney.

I've narrowed it down to the fact that Disney is the one thing in my life I know for a one hundred percent fact I'm good at--I'm good at helping people, at fixing things for people. I'm really good at explaining things and I'm kind of an encyclopedia when it comes to the Happiest Place on Earth. If all else fails, I could go to Disney and I instantly felt like I fit in. Disney makes me safe; Disney is comfortable.

What I need to help myself realize is the fact that Disney has always been a stepping stone for me. Working in the parks was always just a temporary gig--I never, ever, ever wanted to be a manager when I first started. I had such different goals and dreams; Disney was always part of my master plan.

I don't know that I'd be making the biggest move of my life in a week if it weren't for Disney. Disney has tugged me in so many directions and pushed me until I didn't think I could take another step; this company has shown me who I am and now it's time to keep walking my path.

So with that being said, thanks for the memories, Mickey. You've been a great friend over the years and I'll never forget you.

See ya later, Disney.

<3