Everything has always had to be perfect for me to accept it.
In high school, I had to have the perfect schedule. I kept myself busy between my extracurriculars (color guard) and my long laundry list of academic achievements (NHS, Kappa, Rho, etc.) In college, I tried to find the perfect everything: the perfect job, the perfect roommate, the perfect boyfriend (hence, why I'm single).
Life isn't perfect.
I'm not perfect.
You're not perfect.
I've been waiting for the perfect moment to pack up my car and go to California.
I keep thinking that there's going to come a day where everything's going to fall into place.
NEWSFLASH. Life doesn't work that way. It's taken me a long time to figure that out, but it makes sense now.
My lease is up May 31st.
I am no longer contracted or "stuck" in Florida.
I'll be Tampa bound for a few days to tie up loose ends, and then I will be loading up my car with some clothes/absolute necessities, getting behind the wheel and my dad and I will be California bound. He's planned out the road trip for the "along the way"--New Orleans, Dallas, etc. He's excited.
So am I. That doesn't mean I'm not terrified. 'Cause I totally am. That's a LONG way from home. I'm thankful to have a handful of friends in CA who I can call and drag to lunch and/or dinner with me every once and a while if need be. But still. It's gonna be a hard thing to do.
But I realized something tonight that I need to keep reminding myself of.
What is the worst thing that could happen?
I'll have to come home? Start from scratch? As scary as that may sound, it's actually scarier to picture myself GOING to California.
-insert heavy sigh here-
So yes, I'm going to California. Probably around three months from today, actually. June 16th--you are my deadline.
Note to self: Sarah, you are not perfect. If you fail at this, it is not the end of the world.
At least I tried, right?
I think that counts for something.
Thanks for your support, friends.
xo.
