I remember when I moved here, there was a part of me hoping I would hate it.
That's such a strange goal, right? Picking up your entire life and moving somewhere new, only to hope that maybe you would hate it and you would want to turn around and go home.
But I fell in love. Los Angeles is everything I ever expected it to be. I've been amazed (more than once) by the bright lights and the extravagant parties. I stumbled upon feature films being filmed and I learned how to parallel park (I'm also officially a pro at reading parking street signs and knowing all about LA's street cleaning schedule). I could tell you how to get to the valley or when it's okay to drive on the 405 (answer: never).
When I moved to LA in the first place, so many people asked me the same question: "Why?"
I didn't really have an answer I wanted to speak out loud, but I told some of my close friends and family something along the lines of this: I never knew who I was before. I always had someone to lean on, someone to depend on or someone to fall back on. I wanted independence. I wanted to figure out who I was on my terms. I wanted to feel alive.
And I did.
I came here and I found friendships in places I never thought I would. I traveled, I experienced things I never would have I never left Florida in the first place. I went out a lot, I knew how to have a good time and maintain a full-time job simultaneously. I even worked (sort of) in the industry I had wanted to work in all along. Life. Was. Great.
Life was great until I realized some things, one of which being who I am (which was why I moved to LA to begin with).
Once I realized who I am as a person and what makes me feel happy and safe and free and alive; I realized this was no longer the place for me to be.
I have a friend who left LA probably about a year and a half ago. As she was packing up to leave (she had about three extra years here under her belt), I remember going to lunch with her and being shocked she was living this big, old city full of dreams to go back to her small town in Nebraska. She didn't explain, but she smiled and said, "Trust me. When you know, you'll know."
And now I know.
So go ahead and ask me why this time, I won't hesitate to tell you.
I miss my family; I want to reconnect with them and see them more than twice a year (without having to spend $600+ to make that happen each time). I want to go to UCF football games and be a part of the alumni association. I want to see the sunrise over the Atlantic and set over the Gulf. I want to go to Kohl's with my mom and then get lunch at Chick-fil-a one Saturday because we can. I want my family to be a part of my life.
That is who I am now. That girl inside has always been there, I think she just had to get a little bit of crazy out of her system.
So, thank you, Los Angeles. You have raised my adult-self well. I will be back to visit annually, I promise you. You will always have a very special place in my heart and I will never forget the lessons you've taught me or the people you placed in my life as I figured out who I am.
And to Florida, I've missed you more than I ever thought I would admit. I'm ready to come home now.
And just as I set a deadline to move to LA, I set one now. See you September 1st.
