Honesty hour.
Had you asked me one month ago, I was ready to give up.
Actually, being honest? I think I had already given up and I was barely going through the motions of life and reality and being a human being. I kinda had this feeling of hopelessness; this feeling that everything I thought my life would become was dissolving and it was over. I had hit that grown-up moment where I realized dreams were merely dreams and fantasies, and would never amount to anything.
And then everything changed.
It was an insane process. I was asked to resign from my job where I had been employed for over a year and a half. I don't have anything bad to say about that company; I learned a lot of lessons and truly feel stronger in this moment. Besides, I hated everything about that place; I hated what I was doing, I hated being confined to an office, and I hated everything about accounting. I was doing everything I could to interview on my lunch breaks, before work or after work. So I was on my way out; I think I just would have preferred it being on my terms.
The positive about resigning is that the company offered me a two week notice, so I would continue to be paid for two weeks but would not come into the office. I was in ultimate panic mode. I applied for so many jobs, my e-mail inbox is littered with interview confirmations, call backs and rejections. I was determined to try to spend the eight hours a day I normally would at work, either interviewing, applying or searching for work.
Two opportunities presented themselves.
1. A sales position for a well-known recruitment firm worldwide that would compensate very well.
2. A personal assistant/nanny position for an actress in Hollywood that pays a little more than what I made before (but gives me room to travel with her while she goes to film on location, reading scripts as they come in to see if she'd be up for the role, coordinating with various big-time networks for her interviews, deciding on which dress she's going to wear to the Emmy awards and working with her agent and manager on getting her the best roles possible).
In my right hand, I held somewhat stability (office jobs are typically more stable and reliable than industry jobs). It felt safe. That was my comfort zone.
In my left hand, I held opportunity. It felt like a learning experience. I knew I'd be thrown out of my comfort zone.
I only deliberated on this for maybe an hour.
And then I decided to take the leap. Because maybe, just maybe, this is the path I was meant to take.
(Though I've learned that even if it's not, in order to survive we must keep moving and if we keep moving, eventually something will pan out).
My first day on the job was the last day my previous company was paying me. Funny how life works out :).
It's been a week so far. The hours have been long, the tasks have been creatively challenging (though I love that--I have seriously missed creative freedom), and working in Hollywood has been insane.
But...I love it?
And I genuinely feel in my heart that with the people I'm meeting, the experiences I'm having and the way this is working: my dream might not just be an unrealistic fantasy, after all.
Welcome to Hollywood, kid.
