The holidays are always hard when they're spent three thousand miles away from family (though I remember working many Christmas Eves and Christmases while in college [thank you, Walt Disney World]). Last year I was fortunate enough to be home for Thanksgiving and Christmas both, but this year it just wasn't doable.
Tonight I had to run to Target quickly (yes, I am one of those--this was the epitome of procrastination) to pick up some last minute things for tomorrow. As I hurried out my front gate to walk the short block and a half, I noticed how clear the sky was tonight. For LA, that's kind of a rarity. Just as I looked up, I noticed a plane flying with a red light flashing and instantly, my heart felt heavy.
Red flashing lights on planes are quite common, but tonight it took me back to memory I have when I was probably three years old. My brother was barely walking, so that sounds about right. We were all in our family room talking about Santa's arrival and discussing what we wanted for Christmas (this consisted of me rambling off my Christmas list and making up my brother's; I was his keeper for the first five years of his life [actually longer, but he'll never admit to that]).
My mother was desperately trying to put us to bed but I was still going on about Barbies for me and Matchbox cars for my "Cotty", as I referred to him because I just couldn't understand how to put an "S" in there.
In the moment, my Mom thought it would be neat to look out the window for Santa. As she's pulling back the curtain, I remember her saying, "We need to be on the lookout because if Santa comes and you're awake, he won't stop here. You have to be sleeping." My eyes went to the sky and I gasped in sheer terror and excitement.
There in the sky was a red flashing light. "It's Rudolph! Come on, 'Cotty!" I proceeded to drag my baby brother and try to herd my grandmother and parents out of the room and to bed. I wanted that Barbie, gosh darn it.
I laughed when I saw "Rudolph" in the sky tonight. But again, my heart felt heavy. Tonight, I'm not asking for a Barbie or a Matchbox car for my brother. Tonight, I'm so incredibly thankful for this magical thing they call Skype and for the long-winded phone calls my family holds with me to make me feel like I'm there.
I, also, remember my Mom telling me when I was little that she liked the idea that when two people in different parts of the country were looking at the moon late at night, they were looking at the same moon. It's like sharing a moment.
Tonight I'm looking at the moon and I hope they are too.
Merry Christmas, from Los Angeles.
