Happiness.

It's hard not to get down and disappointed in a city of millions of people, all of whom have the same dreams, aspirations and desires that you do.

But then, some days, there's a sign--something to remind you what you're doing and why you're doing it. Something reminds you to remain grateful and remember you're blessed for all that you have.

A week ago today, I got a call at 11am from an agency asking me to come in for an interview. I was excited, but it wasn't anything new, really. I had already interviewed with one agency and had another interview scheduled for the following Monday. An agency was only there to find me temporary work--nothing big and nothing that really paid well. Not to mention, most companies that used the temp agencies were companies with really awful turn over rates. Companies that people obviously didn't enjoy working at.

But whatever.
A job's a job, right?
Money is money.

So I went in.
It was an interview for a five-star hotel in Beverly Hills.
Front desk position.

Right up my alley, right?
Turns out, the hotel wanted to interview me right away.

After a twenty minute interview at the agency, they sent me with Google Map directions to this hotel--preparing me for a humongous interview I wished I had more time to think about at the time of arrival. But in the end, sometimes things turn out better when we have less time to think about them, I feel.

I walked in, breathing deeply; afraid of what sat before me.

This place was fancy. It was sophisticated. It was Beverly Hills.
I shuddered but told the girl at the front desk my name and who I was there to see. I sat on a side couch and tried to smooth out my skirt the best that I could.

I had two interviews--one with the general manager, the other with the sales manager.
I felt confident. I felt prepared. I felt knowledgeable as I discussed guest recovery, guest satisfaction and customer service. Ironically, I thank Disney for that one.

The sales manager thanked me and said we'd be in touch, but hurried back before I could leave and said the GM would actually like to offer me the position, on a temporary basis.

Temporary was good enough for me after I heard what they would be paying.

Four days later, they asked me to apply permanently with their company--no longer working with the agency I had barely even worked for. Today, they extended an offer of permanent employment through their hotel group.

I'm happy.
I pushed myself, I believed in myself, and I gave myself a chance. I gave my heart a chance to be happy--to feel accomplished.

I miss my family more than words could even begin to express.
I miss my mom--the greatest friend I know I will ever have; the person that has always believed in my "crazy" no matter how crazy it might just be.
I miss my dad--the role model who inspires me to be a great, hardworking professional who is well respected in this world.
I miss my brother--the one who would play his guitar upstairs in his bedroom and I'd open my door at the bottom of the stairs and turn off my iTunes just to listen to him play.
I miss my brother--the one who I could watch play basketball for hours; the one who would never be too embarrassed to tell me he loved me in front of his peers.

So, yes.
I miss my family, I miss my friends, I miss the familiarity I seemed to get lost in while living in Florida.

But for the first time really ever (which probably sounds sad), I'm proud of myself.
I didn't really wholeheartedly know who I was before I took this journey. I'm still learning bits and pieces day by day--but I'm moving; I'm exploring. LA makes me put myself out there--I have to leave my comfort zone and explore outside of my shell if I want to survive socially.

This feeling? This swelling in my chest every time I step outside and realize I'm living in the city I've only dreamed of living in for so long? That is why I'm here. Somehow I knew I might be happy if I lived here; I knew I might be excited to live my life.

So I took a chance.
I took a risk that could have potentially ended very badly (and I guess, possibly still could).

But it didn't.
I'm so glad I gave myself the chance to be happy. Because in this moment--nothing else matters but this feeling.

xo.

It's good.

All day, I've been trying to sum up how I feel about Los Angeles.

While at a concert last weekend, a song I heard kind of triggered every feeling and emotion I've felt over the last three weeks, just about.

I'm just a girl with crazy dreams that / never end up how they seem but / I like that mystery of love and trust and you and me / it's good / everything will turn out like it should / I know that I'm gonna get it a little bit right, a little bit wrong / still I'm gonna sing my song / it's good, so good / like it should be.

This song has become my life (thank you, Katelyn Tarver).

I know I'm going to get some things right. I know I'm definitely going to do some things wrong. But I know that in the end, things will turn out how they should. Maybe they won't be what I thought they would.

But really, in the end, is anything how we ever thought it would be? Does everything turn out like we had originally planned?

In the 9th grade I planned that I would move to a new city with my family, make all new friends and be popular because I could be. I would be popular because I had a fresh start--a new slate.

That dream fell a part when I showed up at the first football game with my new found popular friends and they shoved a beer at my hands and dared me to chug it. My 'dream' suddenly changed from being one of the popular kids to finding real friends; friends that wouldn't pick on me for my morals.

I found a quote online today that I thought fit this pretty well. "Dreams are like stars...you may never touch them, but if you follow them they will lead you to your destiny."

So no, I don't know that my ultimate dreams I hold close to my heart will ever come true. But these are the things I do know:

I know that I started my path in following them when I decided to take this journey to California.

I know that I'm happy here.

And I know that somehow, someway everything will turn out as it should.

Whether that means staying in California or going some place new or going back to Florida. This was just the first step in a trail of many, and I'm excited to see just where that trail decides to go.

:)

xo.

The City of Angels.

Well, I did it!

I actually moved.

I guess I never thought I would do it? And to be perfectly honest, it didn't even HIT me that I was moving until we were driving through San Diego...

LA isn't exactly what I thought it would be. Not that it's worse or better, for that matter. Just that it's...different. I guess I should have expected that.

It's a little bit scary. I currently live on the edge of Koreatown so I'm surrounded by foreign languages I don't understand.

It's funny, I'm so used to a foreign language being the small print. Ya know how when you're in line for a ride at Disney World and they explain the instructions in English first and Spanish second? Well, here the signs are in Korean first and English second. It's a different culture, but it's kinda cool. New culture definitely isn't a bad thing.

Sometimes I freak myself out. When I sit down and think about how far away from home I am, my chest swells and I start breathing kinda heavy. Therefore I avoid looking at maps and I ignore the time difference.

Over the course of the last few days, I've tried really focusing on why I'm here and what I'm doing. I felt like I needed a reminder. I was thankful for my reminder last night.

I went to a concert with a few of my favorite bands. I went in not really knowing anyone and I left with a handful of new friends (always a plus when you're one person in a city of three million people).

I knew the venue we were at was a big deal in Hollywood. The Roxy is where Paul Reubens debuted his character known as Pee-Wee Herman in stand up. John Lennon was a regular in the 70s, hanging out on the roof bar and in the nightclub itself. Bob Marley played the venue and even recorded at The Roxy in 76. It's a historic spot.

Many artists dream of playing this place.

And last night, some of my favorite bands sold it out.

I watched as the openers came out. The female opener, Katelyn Tarver, smiled out at the crowd and breathed a sigh as she said, "I've dreamed of playing this place since I was a little girl."

In that exact moment, I realized this was one of their dreams. These bands and people I admire and I'm inspired by had dreamt of this day for a really long time. I was lucky enough to witness one of their dreams coming true.

The Roxy for them was my California. California had been the ultimate dream for so long that I think I forgot about some of my other dreams and aspirations. You're supposed to take one dream at a time and not overwhelm yourself with too many big goals--but now I need to get back in the swing of things and refocus on why California was the dream in the first place.

I feel good.

I smile every morning I walk outside and realize I'm in the middle of Los Angeles.

I can finally check one dream off the check-list. Now onto dream number two :).

See ya real soon!

I've complained, I've cried, I've yelled and I've moaned about this job for four years.

Every weekend of my life for the last four years has been spent rushing around my house/apartment trying to find socks that matched, shoes that I had thrown the weekend before and a costume that never fit the right way.

As a freshman in college, I knew Disney was the place for me. It was a fantastic place where dreamers could dream and creative minds could wander. Children and families all over the world loved to experience the magic of Disney.

I don't know exactly what made me want to work for this company that has defined me for the last four years. Maybe it was the fact that they auditioned at UCF in the ballroom one fall day and my roommate just so happened to drag me over there. Or maybe it was the fact that I knew I would one day want to work in production and maybe this could be my "foot in the door".

Whatever it was, it happened.

I spent nights meeting people from all over the world that soon became friends and later became family. I worked the most ridiculous hours I could never quite understand--my sleep schedule was never the same. I learned so much about myself, but even more than that, about people from all over the world. I am more patient now with people in general--especially those working in customer service roles.

Disney defined my college years. Plain and simple.

I spent weekends avoiding homework and studying by wandering around one of the theme parks or at one of the resorts. I told a friend a few weekends ago, I'm pretty sure I could find my way around Magic Kingdom with my eyes closed.

So now here I am, wondering why I'm so sad to be going my own way from Disney.

I've narrowed it down to the fact that Disney is the one thing in my life I know for a one hundred percent fact I'm good at--I'm good at helping people, at fixing things for people. I'm really good at explaining things and I'm kind of an encyclopedia when it comes to the Happiest Place on Earth. If all else fails, I could go to Disney and I instantly felt like I fit in. Disney makes me safe; Disney is comfortable.

What I need to help myself realize is the fact that Disney has always been a stepping stone for me. Working in the parks was always just a temporary gig--I never, ever, ever wanted to be a manager when I first started. I had such different goals and dreams; Disney was always part of my master plan.

I don't know that I'd be making the biggest move of my life in a week if it weren't for Disney. Disney has tugged me in so many directions and pushed me until I didn't think I could take another step; this company has shown me who I am and now it's time to keep walking my path.

So with that being said, thanks for the memories, Mickey. You've been a great friend over the years and I'll never forget you.

See ya later, Disney.

<3

Oh, Universe. The way you work makes me grin.

It's funny how things work out (or don't work out, rather. However you choose to look at the situation).

For instance, tonight I went to the movies with a friend in the mood to see either HOP (which looks kind of precious) or JUST GO WITH IT, a rom-com with Adam Sandler and Jen Aniston. Those were our options.

We get there, and my friend mentions that there's also that whats-its-name movie with Matt Damon. It's 9:33 and it started at 9:30. Meh. Why not? I'm always up for some Matt Damon.

So we buy our tickets for this random movie we had no interest in seeing twenty minutes prior when we had looked at movie times.

The movie plays. The ending rolls. I don't wanna spoil it for anyone--so I suppose if you are really, really interested in seeing ADJUSTMENT BUREAU stop reading here...or skip ahead a few paragraphs.

Basically, one of the characters does a voice over and expresses how sometimes we have to follow a path that isn't what we feel meant to do. Sometimes we have to go against what everyone thinks our "plan" is and create our own plan. Go out and make the Creator or the Universe or whatever higher power you might believe in--and make Him or That or Her re-create your plan. Force the Higher Power to change It's mind; live your life for YOU and for no one else.

Literally, my friend and I just looked at each other and laughed.

Then, just now, I'm listening to Pandora while trying to find something to write about. Out of NOWHERE on my Jonas Brothers playlist (yes, I have one of those and listen to it frequently; judge me all you want) comes a LINKIN PARK song. I'm sorry--Linkin Park? Jonas Brothers? And they're related how?

In between Burnin' Up and LA Baby comes a song with such lyrics like:

I'm tired of being what you want me to be and Can't you see that you're smothering me? / Holding too tightly, afraid to lose control.

It was just something I really needed to hear tonight.

I saw a movie I had no interest in seeing, and I listened to a song (and then Google-ed the lyrics) that I've heard a thousand times but never really listened to.

I don't know that California has always been in "the plan" for me. I'm the black sheep of the family for doing this. Sometimes that makes it really hard (or it makes it really hard always...)

Dear Universe,

Sometimes I'm gonna get a little off track. I just wanna say thanks for throwing up subtle (yet not so subtle) hints like tonight to put me back where I need to be.

xoxo

- SM.

On my way.

I don't always know where I'm going but I like to think inevitably I know where I want to be. I think ultimately I'm scared. I'm scared because I know that "the journey" or the "getting there", if you will, is what life's all about. It's not where you're going, it's getting there. That scares me because I kind of tend to feel like I'm rushing that--I'm rushing through the journey (or in some cases avoiding it [read: love life]).

California brings out the best in me, as far as I can tell.

Here are some things that I know of myself:

1. I'm a writer and I'm decent when it comes to using my words.

2. I love fairytales and magic and surprises. Mostly surprising others.

3. I love to be alone but I hate the idea of being lonely.

4. I love the fast-paced lifestyle of everything entertainment.

Basically, I'm still learning about myself but I know thinking about California makes me happy and being in California makes me happy...so why not go to California?

The absolute worst thing that could happen: I spend all of my money and have to move back home.

Bummer?

I'm fully prepared to have to come home. However, I'm incredibly determined to stay.

See you in two months, LA-LA Land.

The perfect pitch.

Perfect.

Everything has always had to be perfect for me to accept it.

In high school, I had to have the perfect schedule. I kept myself busy between my extracurriculars (color guard) and my long laundry list of academic achievements (NHS, Kappa, Rho, etc.) In college, I tried to find the perfect everything: the perfect job, the perfect roommate, the perfect boyfriend (hence, why I'm single).

Life isn't perfect.

I'm not perfect.

You're not perfect.

I've been waiting for the perfect moment to pack up my car and go to California.

I keep thinking that there's going to come a day where everything's going to fall into place.

NEWSFLASH. Life doesn't work that way. It's taken me a long time to figure that out, but it makes sense now.

My lease is up May 31st.

I am no longer contracted or "stuck" in Florida.

I'll be Tampa bound for a few days to tie up loose ends, and then I will be loading up my car with some clothes/absolute necessities, getting behind the wheel and my dad and I will be California bound. He's planned out the road trip for the "along the way"--New Orleans, Dallas, etc. He's excited.

So am I. That doesn't mean I'm not terrified. 'Cause I totally am. That's a LONG way from home. I'm thankful to have a handful of friends in CA who I can call and drag to lunch and/or dinner with me every once and a while if need be. But still. It's gonna be a hard thing to do.

But I realized something tonight that I need to keep reminding myself of.

What is the worst thing that could happen?

I'll have to come home? Start from scratch? As scary as that may sound, it's actually scarier to picture myself GOING to California.

-insert heavy sigh here-

So yes, I'm going to California. Probably around three months from today, actually. June 16th--you are my deadline.

Note to self: Sarah, you are not perfect. If you fail at this, it is not the end of the world.

At least I tried, right?

I think that counts for something.

Thanks for your support, friends.

xo.

Nothing is ever as it seems.

I feel like in life we try to plan everything--don't deny it. I know not everyone's a planner, but for the most part there are just things we try to keep in a specific order; things that matter.

All my life I've had ideas of who I want to be--what I want to do when I "grow up", where I want to live, who I want to marry, how many kids I want to have. It's all the same.

As humans (maybe this is just a girl thing, I'm not sure) I feel like we take moments and memories, future plans and places, build them up and create this magical world where we know in our hearts that not everything's perfect but yet we have this image of a fairytale where life is almost perfect. It's a defect for us dreamers; a flaw.

I've built up a lot in my life.

I planned when I was eight that I would go to a really prestigious college--at the time, the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. I wanted to meet my Southern sweetheart, fall in love and get engaged by the time I was twenty-one. At that point, I'd be preparing to graduate. I'd plan my wedding for the fall a year after graduation, we'd get married in the church I grew up in back home in Huntersville and we'd get a lake house on Lake Norman. We'd have three kids with a wrap-around porch and be happy. I'd be a stay-at-home mom, he'd be a doctor or a lawyer.

This plan obviously changed as time went on. But each time, it was some fairytale plan I had dreamt about time after time again.

I wish there was a way to make myself stop creating these impossible plans. I build things up only to be disappointed in the end.

I went home to Huntersville; I had a wonderful time. I loved being back in the town I've always called home. But it wasn't what I was expecting. It wasn't what I thought it'd be.

This isn't really a "grass is always greener..." moment. This is more of a "things change, life moves on" moment.

Growing up, my childhood home was a mansion to me. It was a light shade of gray with a long driveway. My dad made a flower bed in the middle of the front yard with my mom's favorite pansies and tulips and daffodils. There was a treehouse in the backyard my dad and I built when I was seven (well, he built--I observed). The house was perfect.

As I drove by a few weeks ago, I noticed the house was a lot smaller than I remembered. The house had been repainted a brown color, but most of it was chipping. The house needed a lot of work. The flower bed in the front yard had been torn up years ago, as grass had grown over the flowers and the mulch. The treehouse is falling apart--the rainbow canvas that hung overhead now hangs barely by a nail, the swings were broken and the wood cracking in various places.

The house was less than perfect. It wasn't how I remembered.

Time is a fact of life; it's something we can't avoid, nor can we slow down or speed up. Time changes all. I think that might be the "new" hardest part about growing up.

Huntersville will always be home, but I don't know that I'll ever live there again. A look on the bright side: I know I'll always have some place to visit and remember for the rest of my life.

But for now, I'm moving on to bigger and better things. I'm tired of letting memories and fairytales get in the way of my hopes and dreams.

I'm walking my path; just trying to adjust and live life with each and every bump, mountain, valley and detour that comes my way.