One Year.

It's been one year since I made the decision to leave Los Angeles.

I remember it like it was yesterday. My heart had stopped racing as I muddled over the idea. It wasn't the first time the idea to leave had crossed my mind, but it was the last--because I would actually follow through with it this time. I walked down the steps leading up to my apartment building after work and stared at my cell phone. If I called my mom with this, I knew there was no going back. Once she knew what was going on in my head, I would absolutely need to stick to my plan and actually make the move.

It rang just a couple of times before she picked up, her tone one of joy in hopes to cheer me up. She had been doing that a lot lately--trying to cheer me up. In the moment, I couldn't understand why I was sad. I was living in the city I had dreamed of living in since I was a kid. I was working in an office on the beach. I lived on the city line for Beverly Hills and West Hollywood. I got invited to parties and events I never thought in a million years I'd be invited to.

I was supposed to be happy.

She asked me how I was doing. I said okay. We talked about work, school. My brother was getting ready to graduate from high school--we talked about the plans for me to come home for his graduation. I decided to just kind of slip it in...

"So I've been thinking a lot about it and I think I want to come home."

There was a pause for a second. "Well, you are coming home. For Seth's graduation." I think she was trying to convince herself that I was talking about coming home for a visit as to not get her hopes up.

"No, mom. I mean, I think I want to come home. Like, leave Los Angeles."

I heard a sigh and I knew that meant tears were coming.

"Are you sure? I want you to be sure."

This was it. I still had a chance to back out of my decision. I hadn't convinced her yet, so I could still say something like: well, maybe I'll think about it for a few days... or even: no, you're right. I'm being crazy. I'm not ready to leave LA.

But I didn't. Instead, the words flew out of my mouth before I could really even process them. "I'm sure."

Then there was screaming and cheering and yelling in the background, "Scott! Sarah's coming home!" And so we planned my trip back home. As I went to sit down on the stoop just outside my apartment, I felt the hot tears fall down my cheeks. I was mad at myself.

Why are you crying? This was what you wanted!

I think in my head I felt like this journey I had worked so hard for was over--finished. I had worked so hard for something I didn't even want, and I was mad at myself. 

Flash forward to a month down the road. My Dad and I made the long trek across the country. I couldn't even speak to him hardly until we were across the Arizona border in fear that I would lose it and sob uncontrollably. 

But we made it. And just as I had unpacked my entire life into that studio apartment in Koreatown three years prior, my parents helped me unpack everything I owned back into the bedroom I grew up in.

I felt defeated. 

My Mom gently told me to take some time. I didn't need to work right away, so I should take the time to sort through everything going on in my head; she wanted me to realize that even though life didn't work out how I thought it was supposed to, I was still going to be okay.

So I did just that. My parents bought me a float for the pool for my birthday. I spent hours floating around the pool in silence reading book after book after book. I think in one day I went through four novels. The stories took my mind off of life.

And here we are today. In February, I rented a condo in St. Petersburg. I've been with my new company for nine months. I have people in my life that I genuinely care about, and who genuinely care about me. 

If you asked me a year ago today if everything was going to be alright, I would have broken down into tears and told you "no". I know today, more than ever, that everything happens for a reason; just because LA was never meant to be my forever, I can absolutely say that LA was a season in my life that taught me who I am (and who I'm not) and brought me to where I am today.

And today? I am happy. I've realized that leaving Los Angeles didn't end my journey at all, it just changed my journey's path. And this new path I'm on is literally everything I could have ever wanted, and then some. Happy one year to making one the greatest decisions I could have ever made.